it's my party...

ya know...there are times that i need to not rationalize what i'm feeling in order to make the situation better at the moment...because i realize that making it feel better now by not dealing with it will make it feel worse later.

i could logicize that my overreactions (they are overreactions, i think) are just emotional (which they are) and that i will easily be able to get over it when my mind is cleared up (which i will). but no matter how true all of that is, i still have to take my turn to cry a few hours and let myself feel...just for a little while...because it makes it that much easier to not get angry and more hurt by everything...

insecurity blows. i mean, i've always had this low self-esteem, mostly physically, which has really been changing by leaps and bounds lately...sadly, though, the person who has aided my growth most in this area is also the only person who can undo the work that's been done...oh well. i honestly believe that his intentions were right and good, and i do trust him to be faithful to me in whatever fashion he deems necessary...

but as great as all that is, it doesn't make it easy to deal with and watch and live.

i think this is pretty much what i said last night, isn't it? heh...ok then.
i'm done.

why am i so stupid? oh well...it happens.