why, melancholy, why?

so not normal this morning.

as soon as i became active this morning i felt down. i'm not sure why. it's a tough morning though, can't lie. i miss glen. and i'm unnecessarily and unreasonably a little upset with him...wanna know why? because i'm jealous of the experiences he's having right now and not only am i not experiencing any of them myself, i'm not able to be sharing the joy with him either...i can't talk to him, he doesn't call me, he doesn't blog often, whatever...certainly not in the least his fault, and certainly nothing bad on his part. but i miss my friend...and it makes me sad to not have any contact with him at all...i really wonder what things will be like when we get back to nashville...i wonder how different things will be...or if they will be different...i mean, i know the time spent will be different...and rightfully so...but i wonder if the attitude of the time spent will change...or if we will be different friends than we were before...that scares me, honestly...it's been so long since we've been together in a room...i miss that. ugh.

and then there's keith. things seem to be starting to get more regular than i thought they'd be...which isn't necessarily bad...but i don't want a boyfriend right now...i just really don't wanna be leading him on...i feel like i've been clear enough that i don't want anything serious...but then we talk so much and see each other almost every weekend...i don't know...i just don't want to hurt him. he's a good guy.

shelton does something to my soul...and not a good something...i get such uglies here.