just over the past few days i have been feeling a general dissatisfaction with...everything. life, i guess.
it's not that anything is bad, even...just...different. and not quite what i need.
things at school are fine. my classes are all good and whatever. there's nothing *wrong* on that end...but then, nothing keeping it really exciting or great either. the only things that keeps me at school all the time i should be are accountability to my friends and teachers, my grades, knowing i will get money for accompanying, and knowing i get to leave.
things with glen are ok, too. but again, different. it's just an interesting situation. this relationship is hard for me to explain, because it's hard for me to understand. but the bottom line at the moment is that there are things that i need that i'm not getting - not even in terms of the relationship itself - but it would be awkward and difficult to bring it up and say anything about it...and i know i run the risk of him reading this, but i don't think he checks it all that often anymore, and if he does see it, then big deal - perhaps i'll have an in to start talking about this. but then if he does see it and assume it's different from what it is, he might avoid talking about it. but it's really not bad. just...a particular thing that would make my entire life more enjoyable...
but ya know what? we don't always get what we want, do we? and we learn to live without those things...and i can and will if i have to...although, some people like to go looking elsewhere for it...and i would, but i don't feel like i should...and i really don't want to.
oh, satisfaction...
